I hope this month’s letter finds you enjoying the season change. I am both celebrating Summer and looking forward to Fall. I am also finding that as the season transitions, so too are a number of my friends and clients in transitions of all sorts. I realize as I support them, offer some perspective and they find their path to a new way of moving through what they are in, there are some consistent themes. I also realize that these are things that I do (must do) for myself as I face any transitory moment, so I thought them worth sharing. They are:
- Trust Myself
‘Trust Myself’ means that I trust that I know within me what is absolutely best for me. It looks less like external feedback or validation making things OK, and more like following my internal knowing. Trust, like Truth, is found in the body. If I am continually questioning, it might be a good time to find a way out of my head and into my body. One of my sayings is “The head is a wonderful processor of information, but a really bad place to find answers.”
- Follow My Truth
Which brings us to ‘Follow my Truth.’ Truth is that deep knowing of what is best for me. It feels inordinately wise and anchoring. It is not a belief, it is a knowing. Another of my sayings is “Beliefs are in the head, Knowings are in the body”. Knowings are that gut feeling of ‘I know that I know that I know.’ If my ‘belief’ is challenged, I will likely become agitated or defensive. If my ‘knowing’ is challenged, there is little impact to me at all. Very important in times of transition that I get to my ‘clean Truth’ so that I may move for myself from that very grounded place. Any other place will not benefit me near as well.
- Know my Boundaries and Hold Them
‘Know my Boundaries’ is about understanding what boundaries really are and how to work with them. Many of us have been taught that ‘a boundary is what I set and the other person doesn’t dare cross it.’ This was usually on some threat of punitive action or damage. This, however, is in error. The truth of the matter is that I can’t ‘get’ anyone else to do anything. The only person that I have any control over is me. So, on that premise, boundaries become about ‘what do I do with me when someone else crosses my boundary?’ If I know what to do with myself, whether that’s to ‘hold up the stop sign’, speak up for myself, or perhaps walk away until a better/different moment, it is an amazing empowering feeling. I am no longer subject to or need to feel victimized by what the other person is doing as I have taken my internal power over myself and utilized it for my good.
- Own My Part (and only my part) in the creation of this transition
Lastly, ‘Own my part and only my part’ is about being able to observe self and see how I contributed to creating exactly what is in front of me right now. If I can see myself and my impact clearly, I will be able to make choices around what it is I need to do next whether that is ‘clean up’, ‘hold to my Truth’, or come from compassion and understanding. The ‘and only my part’ is about not allowing myself (notice the boundary here) to react or take on what others’ opinions are about what I am doing. Other people may have a reaction of believing that I am wrong, selfish or otherwise.
If I have followed all the steps of ‘Trust Myself’, ‘Follow my Truth’, ‘Know my Boundaries’ and ‘Own My Part’, then I can be internally assured of the surety of my path regardless of other’s opinions. When I have that peace and surety within me, it is impossible for me to come from anywhere but Love. When I come from Love, all outcomes will ultimately be in everyone’s best interest and growth.
How do you transition? What are your struggles around boundaries? What tools do you use? I am always interested in expanding. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me!